We should analyze and understand why we get angry
have a variety of feelings and emotions. Love, Desire, Happiness, Sorrow, Dissatisfaction,
Hatred and Anger are some of these, which exhibit the mental state of an individual.
Anger is one of these several emotions that humans use to express their negative
feelings to the fellow members of the community. Love is essential for people
to live together. Desire is an incentive for advancement in life but too much
of it with greed may lead to sorrow and loss of mental peace. Happiness is a reaction
we feel when desired things happen and gives us mental peace and good life. Hatred
and jealousy are qualities to be avoided. Anger arises when things do not take
place as we wish. When desire increases to become greed and when one does not
get their greed fulfilled and when one notices that others are succeeding leading
to jealousy all these will lead to anger that will mask normal thinking process
leading to ruin. Most of us, on several occasions, get a little angry when things
do not happen as we like. Sometimes we may suppress the anger and do not show
off our feelings. Often a rational thinking gives us an analysis of the problems
and calms our feelings and makes us plan for better actions. But sometimes, we
shout with anger displaying our dissatisfaction.
the feeling of anger "runs" in the family. Are you or any member of
your family prone to anger frequently? Many family members learn to live with
that and often ignore or live in fear. Anger is a state that has to be put up
with. When we have a mental fear or dissatisfaction or find that someone, whom
we expected to do something, did not do it properly, we express our displeasure.
Such expression has to be tolerated to some extent. But showing too much annoyance
frequently and to a large degree, causing physical or mental affliction, becomes
a sort of disease to be avoided. Of the varied feelings, hatred, jealousy and
anger are emotions that damage our state of mental peace and create physical disturbances
also. If a respectable elderly person in a family is highly short-tempered and
often shows it off to an unreasonable and unacceptable level, it will upset all
members of the household itself. When a person gets upset and expresses their
anger frequently at the slightest change of situation they need to realize that
they will lose their personal respect as an elder person or as the husband or
as the parent. Hence anger is an emotion that should be shunned; all religious
literatures including many of our ancient books have highlighted this. The Grand
Old Lady of Tamil Literature, Avvaiyar, has said in her Atthichudi: "Ward
Anger caused by Power and Social Standing of an individual.
it is a humble gardener or a worker in a large factory, they are subject to being
driven by the superiors in the establishment. Many seniors show their displeasure
by abusing the erring workers showing their anger, just to show off their power
and status. One should understand the difference between anger and display of
power. Anything within a reasonable limit can be tolerated. Too much of expression
of anger with arrogance in any situation will lead to unpleasant consequences.
Displaying one's anger without offending the feeling of the other person is a
special skill. Getting work done with soft measures is always superior to violent
display of rage. Likewise, if an employee gets abused for no reason whatsoever,
he might leave the job, or would be doing his work with a mental pique. Under
such circumstances, he would show off his ire towards his family members. The
anguish, animosity and abasement would lead to an unhappy family life. The feeling
of ineptitude that follows leads to display of anger.
Showing one's face is a normal habit in many families.
elders in the family have a habit of being acrimonious towards the younger generation.
This would normally be tolerated if something is done wrong; or if what was asked
to be done has not been done. Here this anger is displayed to show the need for
the children to be better, that they are cared for a better future for them. Often
times the youngsters will notice the love and caring attitude of the parent, even
when showing such anger and will tolerate that or just cry, with a promise to
work better. But frequent flashes of fury would only lead to their losing their
respect and regard.
"expectations beyond reality" leads to resentment, it would lead
to loss of accord in the family; and may lead to discord between the husband and
wife and with children. Mothers-in-law have a tendency to be strict with their
daughters-in-law. But too much of restrictions will have a divisive effect in
the family. At a later stage, the same daughter-in-law will have to look after
the mother-in-law! Often a husband shows anger to wife to show his authority.
But there is always a need to show the love and caring attitude along with that
and not just shouting and screaming. Everyone knows what mother's love is. Hence
one should not show any discord towards the mother, especially in the presence
of children. Sometimes, when things are not done for the mere asking, one has
to give instructions in a firm manner; and show one's displeasure also. But one
should also know how to display their love with a broad smile. One should be able
to blink at the mistakes of others and be able to countenance them with their
care and affection.