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Medicine & Health Education
Essential Therapeutic Life Style Changes
For a Healthy Body, Mind and Spirit
Some Simple Steps to Uplift the Physical, Mental and Spiritual Health
Bala N. Aiyer, M.D.
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Part - 13
 
 
PART - 13: SHORT TEMPER & IRASCIBILITY AFFECT FAMILY LIFE
 
 
 
 

13.01: We should analyze and understand why we get angry

People have a variety of feelings and emotions. Love, Desire, Happiness, Sorrow, Dissatisfaction, Hatred and Anger are some of these, which exhibit the mental state of an individual. Anger is one of these several emotions that humans use to express their negative feelings to the fellow members of the community. Love is essential for people to live together. Desire is an incentive for advancement in life but too much of it with greed may lead to sorrow and loss of mental peace. Happiness is a reaction we feel when desired things happen and gives us mental peace and good life. Hatred and jealousy are qualities to be avoided. Anger arises when things do not take place as we wish. When desire increases to become greed and when one does not get their greed fulfilled and when one notices that others are succeeding leading to jealousy all these will lead to anger that will mask normal thinking process leading to ruin. Most of us, on several occasions, get a little angry when things do not happen as we like. Sometimes we may suppress the anger and do not show off our feelings. Often a rational thinking gives us an analysis of the problems and calms our feelings and makes us plan for better actions. But sometimes, we shout with anger displaying our dissatisfaction.

Often the feeling of anger "runs" in the family. Are you or any member of your family prone to anger frequently? Many family members learn to live with that and often ignore or live in fear. Anger is a state that has to be put up with. When we have a mental fear or dissatisfaction or find that someone, whom we expected to do something, did not do it properly, we express our displeasure. Such expression has to be tolerated to some extent. But showing too much annoyance frequently and to a large degree, causing physical or mental affliction, becomes a sort of disease to be avoided. Of the varied feelings, hatred, jealousy and anger are emotions that damage our state of mental peace and create physical disturbances also. If a respectable elderly person in a family is highly short-tempered and often shows it off to an unreasonable and unacceptable level, it will upset all members of the household itself. When a person gets upset and expresses their anger frequently at the slightest change of situation they need to realize that they will lose their personal respect as an elder person or as the husband or as the parent. Hence anger is an emotion that should be shunned; all religious literatures including many of our ancient books have highlighted this. The Grand Old Lady of Tamil Literature, Avvaiyar, has said in her Atthichudi: "Ward off Anger".

13.02: Anger caused by Power and Social Standing of an individual.

Whether it is a humble gardener or a worker in a large factory, they are subject to being driven by the superiors in the establishment. Many seniors show their displeasure by abusing the erring workers showing their anger, just to show off their power and status. One should understand the difference between anger and display of power. Anything within a reasonable limit can be tolerated. Too much of expression of anger with arrogance in any situation will lead to unpleasant consequences. Displaying one's anger without offending the feeling of the other person is a special skill. Getting work done with soft measures is always superior to violent display of rage. Likewise, if an employee gets abused for no reason whatsoever, he might leave the job, or would be doing his work with a mental pique. Under such circumstances, he would show off his ire towards his family members. The anguish, animosity and abasement would lead to an unhappy family life. The feeling of ineptitude that follows leads to display of anger.

13.03: Showing one's face is a normal habit in many families.

Usually elders in the family have a habit of being acrimonious towards the younger generation. This would normally be tolerated if something is done wrong; or if what was asked to be done has not been done. Here this anger is displayed to show the need for the children to be better, that they are cared for a better future for them. Often times the youngsters will notice the love and caring attitude of the parent, even when showing such anger and will tolerate that or just cry, with a promise to work better. But frequent flashes of fury would only lead to their losing their respect and regard.

While "expectations beyond reality" leads to resentment, it would lead to loss of accord in the family; and may lead to discord between the husband and wife and with children. Mothers-in-law have a tendency to be strict with their daughters-in-law. But too much of restrictions will have a divisive effect in the family. At a later stage, the same daughter-in-law will have to look after the mother-in-law! Often a husband shows anger to wife to show his authority. But there is always a need to show the love and caring attitude along with that and not just shouting and screaming. Everyone knows what mother's love is. Hence one should not show any discord towards the mother, especially in the presence of children. Sometimes, when things are not done for the mere asking, one has to give instructions in a firm manner; and show one's displeasure also. But one should also know how to display their love with a broad smile. One should be able to blink at the mistakes of others and be able to countenance them with their care and affection.

 
   
   
 
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-- This is called Behavior Modification --
Essential Lifestyle Changes -- for a healthy Body, Mind and Spirit 0
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Thank You
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